The Golden Ticket

The 171h arrived in the mail yesterday. I opened the letter with the USCIS return address like little Charlie opening the Wonka Bar he purchased with his last dollar. Inside was our Golden Ticket. The big prize!

Most PAPs (prospective adoptive parents) understand the importance of this document. It's a biggie! If you don't remember, I'll fill you in. This document is actually just a letter telling you that you have been approved for the terms you requested in your home study. In our case, up to three kids ages 8-16. The embassy in the country for which you are adopting gets a cable informing them that you are approved for adoption there. This letter is the culmination of all your hard work stateside; the home study, the social worker visits, the fingerprinting, the background checks, the child rearing classes, the peering into your life with a magnifying glass by outsiders. A USCIS officer looks at all your information and letters of recommendation before rendering his or her verdict. For the second time, we received a favorable review and have been granted our 171h.

It is this 171h that allows you to get an immigration visa in your adoptive children's passport and, in turn, allows them to become US citizens the moment they land on US soil. It's your Golden Ticket that gets your children to Wonkaland!

~ Felix ~

The "Glory Week" revisited

Being that we were fully immersed in the feelings of euphoria with this week’s news, we forgot to tell you of a few other pieces of information. Sorry about that! We have been smiling from ear to ear all week and everyone at work keeps asking me ‘what are you so darn happy about?’! So here are a few more tidbits about the “glory week” as it has come to be known.

1.) We received word through our stateside adoption agency that our I-171h has been approved and should be in the mail any day now. A small piece of information was needed by the approving officer and our agency supplied it for them. So, the “Golden Ticket” is completed.

2.) Heidi and Carol P. bought their plane tickets to travel to Ukraine from September 16th to the 25th. I don’t recall mentioning this to you, so I’ll fill you in. We made a commitment to not only adopt Z & R, but to also visit them at least once a year until they are home. We used to go to the Bahamas or to the USVI every year. Heidi and I jokingly stated when we put the girls back on the plane in 2007 that our vacations will now be in Ukraine for the next few years. That has become a reality. The first trip we took was in April 2008 to go see the girls, do some fact finding, hire counsel, participate in some mission work with Agape ministries and to show the girls that we were serious about our promises. Our second trip occurred during our adoption of Nadia, Julia & Kole. We were able to time the trip over Zina’s birthday where we threw her a birthday party, her first one ever. This trip was already in the works when we received the news about Zina’s registration and Heidi planned to go over for Rimma’s birthday this time. She will celebrate both birthdays at the same time just like we did last year. She will bring care packages, photos, letters and gifts from our many UOO pen pals and volunteers. She will also touch base with all of our friends and support network in Kiev, Boyarka, Kherson, & SB. Heidi will also visit the children from the 2009 camp and will “grease the wheels” for our next year’s camp. And, of course, she will spend lots of time with Z & R. I will not be able to go this time because we have children at home now and I need to save up vacation & leave time at work to go adopt Rimma +1. I really wanted to go and I was worried about Heidi going alone, so I insisted that she have a travel companion. Enter Carol. She will be going with Heidi to learn the ins & outs of traveling in Ukraine and what life is like in the orphanage system in Ukraine. Carol and her family are working on their own adoption dossier for Ukraine and she feels that this trip will help her understand the process and belay any fears of the unknown when they travel there. So, it’s a great situation for everyone involved. Thanks, Carol, for accompanying Heidi!

3.) Since Heidi is traveling to Ukraine, we thought it would be a good idea to hand-carry our dossier to our facilitator. This will save us the $150 or so dollars that FedEx charges as well as the Western Union fees. Heidi will be able to meet Oleg firsthand and pay him the initial upfront money he will need to get started with translation and SDA submission. Therefore, we have been busy little bees all week getting the loose ends tied-up on the dossier. Since I don’t like to get stuck more than I have to, we always wait to do the medical stuff last. So this week we completed all that by getting the exams, blood work, and TB tests done. I was still ‘all smiles’ at the laboratory, thinking of the wonderful glorious miracle God bestowed upon us this week.

4.) Thank you to everyone for all the comments on the blog, the prayers, the e-mails of congratulations, and the phone calls. It is truly a blessing to have so much support and God’s help in our lives! I want to clarify something, though. It is a huge miracle of overcoming the insurmountable obstacle of getting Zina registered for adoption. Everyone prayed for years for this to happen and I had to learn and struggle with God’s timing. While I too pray that we could bring Z home on this trip, it most probably will not happen. You know that I will ask and will do anything legal, ethical and morally proper to get her home sooner than later. I no longer doubt the reasoning of God’s plan for Zina; it could be that He still has work for her to do there. In the meantime, please join me in continued prayer that she could come home this trip and we shall see if that is His plan. As it stands now, we will be adopting Rimma + an unknown child and returning in the late summer or early fall of 2010 for Z. She understands this, too.

Thank you Lord for the wonderful week we have had! God is good! Amen!

A Miracle has happened!

Zina has been registered!

We awoke this morning to the miraculous news and we have been doing the happy dance ever since. I don't think that we will ever stop! Thank you God for hearing our prayers! Thank you everyone for the same prayers!

We are proceeding at God's speed to bring Rimma home soon and we will return in the Fall of 2010 to bring home Zina. Only then will our little-big family be complete.

A song from our worship team keeps playing over in my head, "Oh, Happy Day..."

~ Felix ~

Ahh-Haa Moments

Not much to write about this week. Some weeks the prose just flows, other weeks I get a case of writer’s block. But if I think really hard about something that we as a family did or said, a good story comes to mind. This week is short and sweet. After all, no one ever said that I had to write a chapter every time.

Nadia’s moment

N: Dad, we need this and that, we need to buy this and that (I don’t remember specifically what this and that was)
Me: Sure Nadia, I’ll just go out in the backyard and pick a few $20’s from our money trees!
N: Dad, money doesn’t grow on trees!
Me: Ahh-Haa, no it DOESN”T!

Kole’s Moment

N: Kolya, what kind of food will you get when we go to the Ukrainian market in Denver?
K: I don’t want any of that stuff! I’m an American now!

Zina’s moment (on the phone today)

Me: Privyet, Zina, Kak dela?
Z: I’m good.
Me: ya tebya ochen lyublyu!
Z: (in perfect English) I love you, too!

A couple of years ago

God: Felix, follow my plan for you!
Me: Aw, I wanna do what I wanna do! I need the beach house and the sports car and the sailboat. After all, I’ve been good and raised two kids already!
God: Do as I say and I will enrich your life 5 fold!
Me: Five-fold, really?
God: Yep, here’s Nadia, Julia, Kolya, Zina & Rimma!
Me: Ahh-Haa, now I get it!

It’s the most wonderful time of the year!

Back in the 90’s, there was a commercial on TV showing a Dad dancing through the aisles of a store and pushing a shopping cart to the music of It’s the most wonderful time of the year. The ad is a play on Christmas shopping. A boy and a girl are shown in tow with the biggest frowns on their faces. Dad is shopping for school supplies and having a ball! I love my kids, but this is my happiest time of the year too!

After the past few months of summer and all the drama that comes with tween girls, a school year is just what the family needs. Our kids need the structure, they thrive on it and everyone’s behavior seems much improved. A consistent schedule from Sunday night to Friday afternoon gives order in contrast to the lazy days of summer. We adhere to a strict policy of no TV from Sunday afternoon until Friday night, tucking in and reading before lights out, and bedtimes of 8 pm. Don’t get me wrong though, I still prefer Summers to any other time of the year and I will sneak downstairs and catch a show between 8-10 pm if I’m not exhausted from the day’s events.

This was the first week of school for the kidos. Nadia is in the 7th grade, Julia is in the 6th grade with an IEP, and Kolya is in the 5th grade. Nadia & Julia will attend the same school, Trail Ridge MS and Kole is still at Rocky Mountain Elementary. Julia & Kole started yesterday, the 19th of August while Nadia starts today, the 20th. There was a little bit of grumbling from Nadia about going back to school, but only because she was nervous and will be without Ashley Volf. (Both girls graduated from their newcomer’s program last year and are attending separate schools. Kari also made the decision to put Ashley in 8th grade.) Everyone else seemed more than eager to get started. Kole was especially excited.

I wonder how our two angels in Ukraine are doing and if they are excited to restart school. I’m sure Rimma realizes that she will most probably end her school year in America. Perhaps Zina will get to be here for the following school year. Keep praying for her, and for us. Thank you.

~ Felix ~

The one year wait

When international adoption comes to pass for the waiting child(ren), it has been a long road for them. All Ukrainian orphans must wait 12-14 months after they are registered before they are eligible for international adoption. (The extra two months are for regional delays, paperwork delays, vacationing bureaucrats, who knows!) The first 12 months is supposed to give Ukrainian citizens the first opportunity for adoption.

Rimma is registered and is closing in on her one year waiting period. For a child like Rimma who knows who her parents are and who she wants to be with, it is an agonizing wait. A year for a child is eternity in their short life. We will be bringing Rimma +1 home by year's end.

For a child like Zina, who is not yet registered, it is a feeling of hopelessness. She knows her clock is not even started yet. Z continually asked the whole first year why we weren't coming for her. She wondered her whole life why no one wanted to adopt her. No one, not even the orphanage staff, told her that she wasn't eligible due to a parental rights issue, an issue that should have been taken care of when she was a small child. In April of 2008 we went to see Z & R in order to ascertain their situation, find counsel to work for them, and to explain in person why it was that they were "un-adoptable". She deserved to know and she is thankful that someone finally explained it to her, no matter how painful the true answer. Having been there three times now, we have shown the girls that we are committed to bringing them home and that we will never give up. But still, to a child, the wait seems ridiculous. We agree!

Zina's new questions to us now is if there is any progress on her documents and is she registered. She turns 14 at the end of this year and still she is not registered, despite the many promises of supposedly hard-working orphanage staff, orphanage attorney, and regional inspectors. The latest word we have is (in my best Ukrainian accent and attitude), "...you see, this is the problem. Many officials take summer holiday, so there is nobody to work on documents. Is OK, work will resume after summer, this I am sure." Uuuugghhhh! Go look Z in the eye and tell her that! At 16, Zina risks being let out into the streets and is certainly not eligible for adoption according to US immigration laws. Time is running out!

There was sadness and despair in Z's voice when we talked to her on Sunday. She asked the same question, got the same answer and wondered, I'm sure, "Will I ever get to live with my family". Yes sweetheart. We tell her every time, "Zina, we will never give up trying to bring you home. Я тебя Очень люблю" (Ya tebya ochen lublu, I love you very much)

I see her teary eyes in my dreams.

~ Felix ~

Good Intentions

"My fellow Americans. I'm pleased to announce that I've signed legislation outlawing the Soviet Union. We begin bombing in five minutes." -Ronald Reagan,
joking during a mike check before his Saturday radio broadcast.

The above statement by Ronald Reagan was, at the time, an innocent phrase spoken when he was asked by the sound people to say something so that they could do a check of the equipment. However, it had the effect of sending the wrong message to the Soviet premier and a rise in the defense posture of that nation.

Many times throughout the week, I am presented with a well intended colleague or friend who asks questions about our adoption. Sometimes the questions are well thought out and express the questioners desire to know more about "why we did what we did". At other times, the questions make me scratch my head in bewilderment. But, however insensitive or unintended the question, I make use of a snippet in time to "educate" my good natured friend. After all, you don't know if ya don't know, my dad would always say.

There's no reason to get your feathers ruffled and posture for war like the Russians did over Reagan's statement. I don't get mad, upset or strike back at such comments. Rather, I give a subtle hint to deflect the negativity or hurtfulness of the situation. Most folks aren't even aware of what they say and I believe that they should be forgiven and the question answered in true Christian fashion. We look at it as a chance to educate people about adoption. We don't feel like someone has personally attacked us. People will say insensitive and stupid things. I am sure that I have said my share of things that may come across insensitive or wrong, when I truly didn't mean to do so. I believe most people mean no ill will with what they say, they just aren't educated in this area because they have not had any personal experience with it.

That being said...in the spirit of education and just to have a good laugh, here are a few that I've gotten over the past couple of years, my comments in italics:

- I hate it when people adopt somewhere else. You should adopt one of your own, from this country. God bless you, I'm still going to Ukraine.

- Why do those women in 3rd world countries keep having babies if they can't take care of them? They should all be sterilized. God bless you again!

- Adoption is so wrong. I don't believe there should be any adoptions (from the same person that said the first two comments) Dude, weren't you adopted? Oh, and God bless you! He adopted us!

- Who is their real mom? Variation: Who is their natural mother?

- Are they brothers and sisters? (We get this one a lot about Rimma & Zina, too)

- Variation: Are they REAL brother and sisters

- I didn't realize they weren't yours!

- Now that you've adopted, you'll get pregnant and have one of your own. Gee, I hope not!

- How much did they cost? They are still costing, have you seen my grocery bill?

- You really got lucky, they could have had problems! Have you been reading this blog?

- I could never adopt, I want my own children.

- I could never adopt. I could never raise someone else's child.

- I want to adopt, once I have my own real kids.

- Does it bother you that they won't be your own?

- Your children are adopted? They look so normal!

- The dreaded phrase, "Come on, you know what I mean..."

- Aren't they communists? How does the Air Force feel about that?

- That they look just like me, enough to be my "real kids"

- You guys are Saints! Thank you, but we aren't. You, yourself could experience the joy of adoption.

- No matter how many times you say "Ukraine", everyone else says "the Ukraine". Enjoy your trip to the Mexico, the France, the Italy!

Comments anyone?

~ Felix ~